31 Happy Days #6

A couple of days ago, I mentioned that my new book, Staying Strong by Demi Lovato, had arrived. It is set out so that each day there is a quote, or a meditation or something, and a goal to try and achieve to help you realise that you are a strong person. I have a small dilemma in that I don't know whether to just read it from the beginning, doing one each day, read up to today's date then continue one each day, or just start on today's date and loop back round when it comes to the new year. I have, however, read the introduction and the entry for January 1st.

(I have no idea if you can actually read that or not...) The goal for the day is to come up with your own mantra, something that is yours, that you can look in the mirror and say to yourself each day. I had no idea where to start with that.

In the introduction it says that everyone needs a higher power that they can turn to for comfort. I'm not religious, so I don't want to say God is my higher power. I kind of believe in Karma and just the general power of the universe, but neither of those felt right to me. I talked to my boyfriend about it, and he suggested Logic as my higher power. Although I am a very logical person, I sometimes feel like my logic can make things seem worse, not comforted.

I decided to talk to Ivy about it. I'm not sure why I picked Ivy in particular, maybe because she has absolutely no logic so has a very different way of looking at things than myself and the rest of my sisters. She said that to make a mantra I had to think of something that would make me feel solid. She then added (emotionally not fatty), just to give you an indication of her logic. She asked me what reassures me when I'm down, what comforts me? At the time I was sat on the bus with my headphones in, and I realised that there is something that I can always count on to give me wisdom, or make me feel happy, or sad when I need it. Music. Music is my higher power. And just to prove the point, a song came on at that moment that gave me inspiration for my mantra. I had literally that morning decided to listen to something other than the 80 songs I have on repeat on my obsession playlist, and ended up choosing Lucy Spraggan. Here is the song that started playing at that moment I decided to look for a lyric to be my mantra:




This whole song is basically saying that it doesn't matter what you do, you are already someone and you can be happy with what you have in life. What particularly caught my attention was the last verse before the final choruses.

You may never have another chance 

The stars are in your reach 

You have the power in your hands

It's time now to believe 

You will always have the secret

You will always have the air to breath

Everyday say to yourself this future is for me

I believe that everything happens for a reason. Mum watched X-Factor, and our friend took us to the V-Festival, where Lucy Spraggan (who was on X-Factor that year) was playing. Mum wanted to see her so we went along. I enjoyed her music, and knew mum did, so I bought her the album for Christmas. I decided this morning to listen to something I hadn't heard for a while, and picked that album. Just when I decided music was my higher power, it gave me this song. It all happens for a reason.

So my happy thing for today is that I found something to take comfort in, and I completed the first goal in my new book. My mantra to repeat to myself is:

You have the power in your hands, it's time now to believe. This future is for me.

On another, but no less important note, my boyfriend is currently on his way to spend the weekend with me, so that makes me happy too!

February Challenge

Last month, I decided to follow in my mother's footsteps and make 12 changes over the year to help me overcome my depression. Last month, my challenge was to manage my time so that I could keep busy.

This only half worked.

I started off well at the beginning of term. I was getting up early every day, going to bed at a reasonable time so I had lots of energy. I was trying to schedule my time so that I worked more productively. Then I fell behind a bit in my plan to write up my lecture notes in neat each week to keep on top of revision. This made me feel like I didn't deserve to do anything that wasn't work related, but I was in too bad of a mood to be motivated. The boyfriend and I also had some issues with communication that were causing us problems.

Despite the lack of motivation, I feel like I am in a better place in terms of my degree than I was last term. I am (mostly) on top of my assignments, and even have enjoyed doing a couple of them. I like Number Theory. The assignments I've had marked and handed back to me have been quite well graded, so I'm pleased with that. Most of my modules are fine, there is just one that I am really struggling to get my head around.

Another thing that has gotten me down is that I have had to stop running. I have a recurring problem with my knee that means it actually hurts to run, and hurts for a few days after I have done so. I went to the doctor, and I have a referral for a physio , but the earliest appointment I have been able to get is at the end of March... I have, however, been trying to do some exercises anyway to keep the strength up. I actually completed my 30 day challenge, which I am really pleased about - the furthest I've gotten previously before forgetting/giving up was about day 8. I bought a pilates set with a yoga ball and some weights in to hopefully spark some more interest for myself. I didn't manage to keep up with yoga, but I feel like I have been working on strength quite well, so I'm counting my exercise challenge as a job well done.

This month, as well as trying some new ideas with the boyfriend to get our schedules back up and running and effective once more, I want to focus on music. Music is a massive part of my life, but recently I have not felt in the mood for singing or playing. I don't go to Glee anymore, partly because of an awkward timetable, partly because I spend all of my time at archery, but also because I haven't been in the right frame of mind for it. This month, I want to change that.

This challenge was actually the boyfriend's idea. After I let him take my ukulele to Uni with him to try and learn, he came up with the idea of trying to learn a duet together, him on ukulele, me on guitar, that we can practice over skype. This should be interesting because he isn't the greatest singer (although admittedly, he is getting better) and when I play guitar, the sound on my skype goes really quiet so I can't hear him anymore.

As well as the duet, I want to learn some new songs for myself. I have done some googling to find the supposed best song of each decade to find inspiration. I want to learn songs that either I wouldn't normally sing, or I haven't played already. This is my list so far:

1: 1950s, Johnny B Goode



2: 1960s, Save the Last Dance For Me



3: 1970s, Heart of Glass



4: 1980s, not sure yet, but maybe I Want To Know What Love Is



5: 1990s, again not sure. Best I could find was Baby One More Time



6: 2000s, Hey Ya



7: 2010s, The Words



(Excuse me while I get distracted by the yummy-ness that is Colin o'Donoghue)

And for our duet, Up



Let me know if you have any other suggestions for songs :)

Summer

Yesterday my summer holiday officially ended. I packed my things into my Mum's car, left my hometown and moved into my new Uni accommodation. On the journey, Mum and I were trying to remember what had happened over the summer. It was really hard because the beginning of the holidays felt so far away. It felt like a year since we had made the journey to Coventry, rather than the few months it has been.

This summer, I found out that I was no longer staying on the four year course of my degree, but instead was being moved down to the three year course. I wasn't really too upset by this - I actually had still not decided which one I wanted to do and this just made the decision for me. It did mean, however, that I was one year closer to entering the real world and finding a job and all that stuff. There is where lies a problem. I have no idea what I actually want to do. I am not career driven in any way. I am more driven by family. I am also incredibly doubtful of my confidence to do things, especially social things. I am very shy and as a general rule don't really know what to say to people.

At the beginning of the summer, I tried writing weekly targets and publishing them on here so that I wouldn't just waste the summer doing nothing and actually trying to make myself better. I didn't keep up with it very well, so I don't think that is a technique I am going to keep up, but I did manage to achieve some things that I am proud of.

Fordhall Farm

After finding out that I couldn't go to Portugal, I had to rethink my work experience plans. I sent an email to two local community led organisations asking if I could do some volunteering. I heard back from one of them and after going in for a chat we decided that there wasn't really much I could do that would benefit me in the way I wanted, so I waited for the other to get back to me. Eventually they did, and I went in for a chat and came out with an agreement I would go in on Mondays and Thursdays to work in the office of the Fordhall Community Land Initiative. For the first couple of weeks, the main office administrator gave me lots of jobs to do like stuffing envelopes, checking databases and checking receipts against accounts. Once I was shown how to do a job, I worked hard to do it quickly and correctly, and didn't complain at boring jobs (like stuffing envelopes). I actually didn't really mind them that much.

After the first couple of weeks, the main office administrator actually left for a new job, and one of the long term volunteers also left to do other work. This would have been ok, except there was a big annual event planned for the next weekend - FordFest beer festival. Also, the woman in charge of running the event hurt her knee, so couldn't really move on account of being on crutches. I volunteered to come in extra to help out. I ended up coming in every day the week leading up to the festival, which is very hard when you aren't used to it.

During that week, I took on more responsibilities. I opened and processed the post every day, which included setting up new direct debits. I had to answer the phone and even phone up some people, which is totally outside of my comfort zone. I actually get heart palpitations at the thought of having to phone someone. I helped out a lot with general FordFest preparations, like making up band packs for all of the bands playing. It was hard work, but I enjoyed it.

My Mum is a firm believer that taking opportunities creates new opportunities. I have to say that I agree completely, because if I hadn't asked to volunteer at Fordhall Farm, if I hadn't asked about the acoustic set, I wouldn't have gotten the opportunity for Liberty and I to sing at the festival, and we wouldn't have had the opportunity to play on the main stage rather than the little unamplified stage we were expecting when one of the acts didn't turn up on time. It was terrifying and amazing at the same time.

At the end of my work experience, I was given a Certificate of Generosity as thanks for the 65 hours of work I put in (I checked Mum, 65 is right!) It's only a piece of paper, but I really appreciated it. I have also been promised that I will be contacted about FordFest next year, so I look forwards to that!

Music

As well as playing at FordFest, I have been involved in various musical things this holiday. I sang a part in my younger sister's arrangement of A Thousand Years by Christina Perri to help her see how it would sound all together before she presented it for her house competition at school. I finally wrote the music to a song that I have been writing for 2 years, and have remembered why I love writing songs. I have inspired a little girl.

When I went to work at the boyfriend's mum's nursery, I brought my guitar along and played Stand By Me. A few weeks ago, when the new school term started, the boyfriend's mum said that one of the little girls that had taken to me came up to her with a ukulele and told her that she was getting her dad to learn some songs on the guitar so she could sing with him, and that she now knew all of the words to Stand By Me. That just made me melt inside a little bit. Music is a very important aspect to my life and I'm really happy that I inspired someone else with it.

Exercise

As you know, I have recently (well, for the past year) gotten into running. Unfortunately, I have a lot of problems with my knees, so I haven't been able to do much running. Instead of just giving up, I have been working at other things to try and strengthen myself up for running again - something that a couple of years ago I would never imagine myself doing.

I started going to a circuit training class, and surprised myself by enjoying it. I have honestly never sweated so much as when I go circuit training, and I often hurt for days afterwards, but I enjoyed it non the less.

I joined an archery group. I have always been interested in archery, but never managed to stick with it. I apparently have some natural talent for archery, and joining the club in my home town has made me more determined to join up again at Uni and actually stick with it. Maybe even join in a competition!

I downloaded a 30 day challenge app. Ok, so I have yet to actually complete any of the challenges, but each time I restart, I am still doing something. I realised that my needs changed, so picked a different exercise to do. Currently, I am doing push ups (girly style I'm afraid, I can't even do one properly) for my upper body to help with archery, plank for my core to help with general strength and running, and squats for my legs to hopefully help with my knee problem.

Now that I'm back at Uni, I am going to try and complete the beginner's training program that my family did with their running club. I'm trying to build up my speed and my stamina, as well as strengthen my knee of course. I went for my first run yesterday, and managed to go 1.6 miles, with my knee only starting to hurt in the last run/walk section.


In an effort to not waffle on for too long, I am going to leave it here. I may write a second part if I think of more things that I think are important, but for now I will just say that I think I have managed to grow and mature this summer. Usually when I leave for University I am really depressed during the week leading up to it and I cry when I leave my boyfriend and my Mum. I did have a cry on the Saturday before I left when my parkrun plans fell through, which was probably exacerbated by the fact I was leaving in a couple of days, but when I left my family I only felt sad for a little while. Of course I miss them, but I know I am seeing them again on Friday (which probably helps) and I have lots of exciting plans for the year ahead.

Work Experience - Forton Nursery

My boyfriend's mum owns a nursery. It is a cute little place near Newport, which achieved outstanding in their latest Ofsted inspection, and over the last few years I have helped out at various summer fayres and things outside of school time. Now you know that I have been looking for things to push me outside my comfort zone and to gain a little work experience, so when she asked if anyone was available to help out for a couple of days, I volunteered.

I may not know what I want to do with my future career, but I am pretty sure that I don't want to be a teacher. I don't think I'd be very good at it, and to be honest, Liberty has kind of put me off! So I didn't volunteer with the thought of "I'll get some experience working in a school to help me be a teacher". I just thought that experience is experience, even if it is not what I want to do in the future.

The first day I was there, I helped to set up the tables with different activities for the day. I spent most of the time trying to build a zoo out of duplo, which was harder than it sounds as there were more blocks and animals than table surface! As the kids arrived a few helped me out a bit, although most just looked at me rather warily. I think they know the boyfriend's sisters quite well as they are around more, but they had never met me.

Throughout the day I mostly just picked up toys from the floor to keep it from getting too messy (and to stop the ukulele from being trashed!) At one point I was helping one boy to cut out pictures to stick into his story book about moving to primary school. He spent most of the time nearly cutting off my fingers and gluing my hand to the paper. He kept getting distracted too, but I managed to keep his attention on his book until he finished it.

I was shown where the outdoor toys were kept and how to choose what should be brought out so that when I came later on in the week, if I needed to I could get the toys out by myself while the teachers were busy with the kids indoors. When we did go outside, I pushed the swings and chatted with some of the kids about random things like trying to guess my age and how many sisters I have.

On the first day, I mostly felt like I was just playing, but the boyfriend's mum said I was big help. I think it was because while I was keeping an eye on things, she could get on with some important things in preparation for a trip later on in the week without distraction.

When I came back later in the week, I was in charge of making popcorn for the "cinema room" where the kids were watching Frozen as an end of year treat. Of course, you give a child a cup of popcorn, they eat it too quickly and immediately start hassling you for more. Multiple that by 15 and that's what I had! I had to make them a fruit pot, then make sure they ate that before they could have more popcorn. When they know there is popcorn, fruit doesn't seem like a good option, so that was interesting! I managed to convince most of them to at least try the fruit.

While they all went outside to play, I washed up the dishes from snack time. As it was a hot day, they kept coming back in, asking me to fill a watering can so they could cool off.

I had brought my guitar in that day so that we could do a little music session. I was expecting some of the teachers to lead and me to just play guitar like I had done one other time when I came in just to play guitar, but the boyfriend's mum told me to take the chair and to lead the group while they did other stuff. I had never done something like that before, so I didn't really know what to do. I found a few songs that I knew in the songbook, and got the kids to sing along with me (the teachers sang along to get them started thankfully!) and then I tried turning it into more of a game. I got them to do the actions, and to sing as fast as they could to race me, and things like that. I think they enjoyed it. Most of them joined in, a few were even quite enthusiastic, especially when we were singing really fast.

When we ran out of songs to sing, we still had a few minutes before lunch, so the teachers said to just play anything. I don't normally remember chords for songs, but I do know Stand By Me (it has 4 chords in the same progression all the way through!) so I sang that. I have never had a group of people listen to me singing so intently before. They liked it so much that when I finished, they asked me to do it again!

I really enjoyed helping out at the nursery. A couple of the girls became rather attached to me, one of them said "I'll miss you!" as I left on what was supposed to be my last day. The next day was the last day of term and I asked the boyfriend's mum if she wanted me and Ivy to come in a play guitar at the picnic they were having. My idea was to get the kids to sing Let It Go from Frozen with me as a surprise for her (they made her cry when they sang along with the film) but she kind of ruined it by asking if we could practise it with them to sing for the parents. Never mind!

We went in the next day and basically did the same as I had the day before and distracted the kids with singing and singing races while the teachers set up for the picnic. We sang through Let It Go so many times that my already sore throat was barely working, but it was a lot of fun. When it came to the actual performance the kids were great. It was very funny because it was obvious where they didn't know the words. "LET IT GOOO, LET IT GOOOO, ..... LET IT GOOOOO" One of the parents came and told us that having the guitar and the song made the day a little bit more special, which felt really good. That day was also good because one of the girls came up to me specifically to say goodbye (and give me a hug :)) and another (the one who said she would miss me) told me I was the best teacher.

Although I had a lot of fun, I don't think working in a nursery is something I could do all the time. Handling kids is much easier if you are only doing it in short bursts. I would be more than happy to go back and help out at Forton Nursery again though!

March 14th - Pi Day

I just found this video posted by Youtube onto Facebook about the number pi. As it is March 14th, it is Pi Day (3.14), which I think is pretty cool. I actually made a pie yesterday. I should've held out one day longer! Anyway, the idea of this video is that if you assign all of the digits 0-9 a musical note in the scale of C major (basically without any flats or sharps) then the number pi creates a surprisingly melodic infinite musical piece. Check it out!

I think he may have more videos about pi, so when I'm not doing business homework and have more time, I will definitely be looking at some of those. Maybe I can find out some more interesting facts about pi :)