A New Obsession

Anyone who knows me knows that I quite easily get obsessed about things. When I love something, I really LOVE something. I will listen to the same song on repeat when somthing about it clicks with me. I will watch the same film over and over, I will think about my favourite scene over and over in my head. I talk excitedly, rapidly and very high pitched about things. Things like Disney, Lego, Once Upon a Time, that one scene in We Bought A Zoo where Dylan does his 20 seconds of courage, Anne Hathaway... the list goes on.

My most recent obsession revolves around a podcast I listened to during my last year of Uni - Serial. It is a podcast about an old murder trial in Maryland from 1990, where they arrested a guy named Adnan Sayed for the murder of his ex-girlfriend, Hae Min Lee, on the basis of basically one witness whose testimony seemed to change every time he told the story. Adnan still insists that he is innocent - many people believe him, many people still do not. The podcast tells the story of the case and attempts to come up with a decision one way or another about whether or not he is innocent.

I really enjoyed listening to this podcast, right until the end where they completely copped out and made the decision that they didn't know if he was innocent or not. It was rather an unsatisfying end, but I still found the whole thing very interesting. This podcast became very popular, which meant that it another podcast, which I recently discovered, has followed on from Serial. This podcast is called Undisclosed. This podcast looks at Adnan's case from the perspective of an attorney. Instead of putting together a narrative, it just lays out the facts of the case that have been discovered. What I really like about this is that you start to see more where the holes in the State's case are, and how everything fits together (or how it doesn't fit quite a lot of the time). It is like a giant puzzle, and I love puzzles.

Undisclosed isn't just about telling the story of Adnan. It looks at the case as a whole, so you get a better picture of the events that happened around the time of the case. It also gives updates as to what is happening currently with trying to get a retrial.

It isn't just this case that I have been interested in. It may be slightly morbid, but I find unsolved mysteries and murders absolutely fascinating. Well, not even just unsolved ones. Just cases that have a weird twist, or required a lot of effort and digging to solve. Something that was a bit of a puzzle. Last year I watched the movie Devil's Knot with my sister. I was hooked all the way through, but she found it really boring. There was no action or anything, it just told the story of trying to solve the case of the murder of three young boys. Slightly different, but I also like watching crime shows like Bones and Criminal Minds. However, it is the things about real cases that just hold something more for me.

I'm finding it really hard to actually put into words what I find so intriguing about these things. It isn't exactly to with the people, but it kind of is (helpful, I know...) I think it's partly just the whole process of piecing together the events and actions of everyone involved to get the full picture of an event. Completing the puzzle of something that you could otherwise know nothing about. I don't know, but whatever it is, I have become obsessed.

Unfortunately, I have already listened through the backlog of both Serial and Undisclosed, so now I have a big empty hole to fill while I wait for the next episode to come out. If anyone has any suggestions for more podcasts, tv shows, movies, books or websites that might look at anything vaguely similar, I would appreciate it! I need something to spur on my new hobby.

London

Last week I started my new job in London. That's right, London. London is the last place I ever thought I would accept a job and move to. I am very definitely a small town country bumpkin. I like peace and quiet and small things, which London very definitely is not.

I have surprised myself by settling into the routine of working in London quite well. I've sorted out how I'm getting into work every morning. Not quite decided how I'm getting back each night yet, although judging from today's journey, I think I might try to stick out the Hammersmith and City Line. I was hesitant to before because it doesn't run as regularly and reliably as the Central line, but the Central line gets so crammed I end up waiting the same amount of time to get on a train anyway. Hammersmith is at least more comfortable to travel on. I have yet to work out how I will deal with tube strikes being on - this week's were thankfully cancelled. There is a direct bus route, but I'm not sure what time I should get it so that I'm not late and it won't be too busy. I'll have to just see how that goes as and when it happens I guess.

The thing I'm not settling so well into is the actual living in London. London is so expensive, so I'm currently in a flat share - i.e. living in a room. The flat is quite nice, my room is nice and big, and it is in an ok area, but I am really not enjoying it. Mum keeps telling me to treat it like I'm still at Uni, which kind of makes sense. I want to make her proud and show her I can just get on with it, but the problem is, this is exactly the bits of Uni that I hated. Living with strangers, who have different lifestyles to me, that I will never see enough of to truly be comfortable around. I need a lot of time with people before I can feel at ease, part of my anxieties I guess. It makes it very difficult for me to relax when I really need to be. I get scared to go in the kitchen in case someone sees me. I don't want to speak or sing because the walls are so thin I feel like everyone will hear everything I say. I get tense about the thought of having to go cook food or use the shower. I am really not coping well with it. Everyday I have come back from work and wished I was just at home. I don't know what to do about it.

A leaving present from my little sister to make me more excited about London

I really wish that I was more of a people person, but right now, all I can think about is how I am not built to share houses like this. I want to be in my own place, where I feel safe and comfortable, and can relax and enjoy myself. I'm not sure I will feel that here. Of course what I really want is to be able to finally live with the boyfriend, but we have at least another year before that can happen. I still think that there is something better than this arrangement out there for me somewhere. I'm just not sure how to find it.

July Challenge

Last month, I set my self the challenge of looking after me. I have definitely improved my sleeping patterns; I now find it much easier to wake up at 7.30 and haven't had to nap during the day for a while! I (mostly) eat three meals a day, and my wardrobe is nicely sorted out to make it easier to get to all of my clothes. I haven't done as much exercise as I would have liked; I kept forgetting to do my stretches. I have, however, been for a 5 mile cycle ride with the family and gone for my first run for months. Well, run is a strong word. My step-dad has described it more aptly as "joggling", sort of half jogging, half walking and wobbling all over the place. It was quite a successful run though, no knee pain and it actually felt really good. I have plans to complete a Couch to 10K programme, which is supposed to take 14 weeks, but I may take longer than that to make sure I don't strain my knees too much. I have plenty of time until the next Market Drayton 10K though! Over the month I have done several things to help with my future as well.

It was my birthday on the 4th, and I spent a lovely day relaxing in the sunshine with family. I got some really nice gifts, including the first two series of Once Upon A Time (my boyfriend knows me so well!) and a really thoughtful gift of a bodyclock alarm from a family friend that will definitely help with my depression and sleeping when it comes to the darker months of winter. My mum took me shopping to buy what she calls "power clothes" to get ready for interviews. She bought me a nice suit and I had a really good time spending the day with her.

After my birthday I was supposed to be going to Portugal with Liberty to have a little holiday and spend some time with our father. Due to work commitments, he had to cancel, so we spent the week doing other things together. We went to Warwick Castle - purely for research purposes, honest - we picked up the boyfriend's sister from Uni and incorporated another shopping trip at the same time, and spent lots of time blitzing our way through Lego Lord of the Rings.

On 25th, I went with my mum back to Coventry to pick up the rest of my stuff, clean the house, move out and pick up my results. I took her to the Bread Oven on campus to get my favourite sandwich, a brie and salad baguette, and we ate it in the Piazza in the sunshine while we waited for the time to collect my results. It was beautifully symmetrical because we ate sandwiches from the Bread Oven in the Piazza on the open day I went to before I joined Warwick. It was a really lovely day, made better by the fact that I got a 2.1 for my degree!

The next day was spent at Alton Towers with the boyfriend, Liberty and her other half. It was brilliantly fun, and we even managed to convince the boyfriend to go on Oblivion. He was so scared that me might have passed out on the ride, but he survived! Just about... And I bought him the picture from the ride to keep as a trophy and proof that he was on it so he doesn't have to ever go on it again. I strangely enjoyed it this time, and I enjoyed the other roller coasters much more than I ever have previously. I think Liberty is right, once you have been on Oblivion, nothing is ever as scary as that. I didn't even cry this time!

I also have had some success with my job hunting. I haven't gotten a job yet, but I applied to Metaswitch, a company that I have liked the sound of for some time, and managed to make it through to the first round of interviews after completing an online aptitude test. The day of the interview I was so nervous that I was actually sick first thing after I woke up, but I managed to survive the day of travelling to London by myself and doing my first real interview. It was a really tough day, and I didn't make it through to the next round, but it was a really valuable experience. I have since applied for another two jobs, and have set up my own "Job finding process".

That brings me onto my July challenge. I have been looking for jobs in Software Engineering, but I don't have a great deal of experience with coding. I have been doing some online courses on Codecademy to try to learn some of the basics. It has been fun, but I learn best when I have an actual project to work on, so this month I am going to build a website. Liberty wants one for a mad project she wants to undertake, so we are going to do some designing this weekend, and hopefully I can start to put something together. This will also help towards my job search as I will have something concrete to talk about in terms of experience. Wish me luck :)

June Challenge

Considering I've just finished University, my June challenge should probably be something along the lines of "get a job" or at least "find a job that I want to do". However, I don't feel like I am quite ready for that. That isn't to say I won't be trying to find a job over this next month, but I have decided that first I want to look after myself.

The last few months have been very stressful for me for many reasons. I haven't been eating or sleeping very well, and I've just been exhausted all the time. So this month, I want to try and get back into a healthier lifestyle. Here are some of the things I want to do:

• Sort out my sleeping pattern. Recently I have been really bad at just sleeping away half the day. I hate doing it, and it stops me from feeling productive, so I am going to start getting up at a reasonable hour and that will in turn make it easier for me to fall asleep at night.
• Eat three meals a day. I am terrible at eating breakfast, but hopefully the getting up at a reasonable hour will make this easier. Actually, I'm just pretty terrible at eating. I tend to just sort of forget to feed myself... 
• Set myself targets of things to achieve for the day. This will include productive things like helping mum clear out stuff from the house to make moving easier, more fun things, but also still productive, like writing songs or learning coding, and also treats to reward myself for a good day.
• Exercising. It has been such a long time since I've done any running, and I really want to get back into it. I need to strengthen up my hips some more I think, but I'm planning on making a training program for myself for the next year so that I will be well trained enough to participate in the Market Drayton 10K next May. There is no way I am missing it again next year! No doubt I will do some random gyming and swimming to keep Liberty company as well and to add some variety to my workouts.
• Wear more of my clothes. I apparently have loads of clothes, as I found out when Charlie tried to make me throw them all out during our sort out the other day. I wear like 3 outfits regularly, so I am going to start wearing some of my other things.

That's all I can think of at the moment. My hope is that in being happier with myself in general, it will make me less scared and more fighting ready to move onto the next step of grown up life!

9 down, holy cow I've finished!

So that's it. I have finished my degree. There are no more assignments or exams. I am done!

These last three years have been the hardest of life, but I think I've learned so much. Despite the difficulty of my degree, the homesickness and the general growing up, I actually enjoyed it too. Now comes the even more scary part of becoming a grown up. Bring it on!

6 Things I Love About You

Today is my Anniversary with my boyfriend. We have been together for 6 years, and although it hasn't been an easy ride, especially over this last year, I am excited for what the next 6 years will bring for us. True to his competitive nature, he has already written a lovely post on Facebook, and challenged me to write a better one. So that is what I am attempting.

Just for you, here are my top 6 reasons why I love you.

I'm a part of your family, and you are part of mine: in fact I don't really distinguish between the two anymore. I love our big, crazy family. I love that the little ones think of you as their brother. I love that your sisters think of me as their sister. I love that we can all spend time together as friends as well as family.

You are my best friend you are terrible at telling jokes, but you say stupid things that I can't help but find funny. I love playing random board games and video games with you. I love singing with you. I love slobbing around and watching movies with take out food, pretending like the rest of the world doesn't exist with you. 

You indulge my random wants: even if it means driving to the back end of Coventry to sit on the floor of Maplin for half an hour while I debate which computer toy I want more, and which is better value, and which would I be most likely to actually be able to do. You bought me Benny's Spaceship because you know he's my favourite character from the Lego Movie and I love Lego. You bought me a jigsaw bracelet even though your mum advised against it because you knew I would love it.

You have learned to play ukulele: I don't think it was originally your idea, but you didn't hesitate to give it a go, and you picked it up very quickly. You get better every time I hear you play, and I think it has helped a lot with your singing. You aren't afraid to sit there and play and sing, even when you are in a house surrounded by musical people. I love to hear you sing, and I love that you are willing to sing with me.

You look after me: when I'm busy with revision or not feeling well, or can't walk very well due to injury, you wait on me, and make me dinner without fuss. You just get up and do it.

You believe in me: the amount of times that I have been down on myself over the years is ridiculous, but you never falter in your belief in me. Whether it is to do with my Uni work, performing for glee or trying to get round a parkrun, you are always there to support me. Through all of my depression and anger towards you and myself, you haven't given up on me. You are always still there at the end of the day, and I hope that you will always continue to be.

I love you Superman. Happy Anniversary x

8 down, 1 TO GO!! May update

The worst of it is over. Today's exam may have been horrendous in terms of being able to answer the questions, mentally and by the fact that I am entirely exhausted, but I only have one exam left then I am done.

I say the worst of it is over because I've just had a stint of 4 exams in 6 days, both times having an afternoon exam followed the next day by a morning exam. I now have a 9 day gap in which to revise for my favourite module, my easiest module, and an exam that is only two hours long, starting in the afternoon. What better exam to end my uni career on hey?

But before then, I am taking a well deserved break. I'm currently on the train to visit the boyfriend in Lampeter. We have a busy couple of days planned, but it will be nice to not have to think about revision for a little while. I am that confident, that I am even going to say right now that I have completed my May challenge of surviving. I am so looking forwards to going home and celebrating!