June Challenge

Considering I've just finished University, my June challenge should probably be something along the lines of "get a job" or at least "find a job that I want to do". However, I don't feel like I am quite ready for that. That isn't to say I won't be trying to find a job over this next month, but I have decided that first I want to look after myself.

The last few months have been very stressful for me for many reasons. I haven't been eating or sleeping very well, and I've just been exhausted all the time. So this month, I want to try and get back into a healthier lifestyle. Here are some of the things I want to do:

• Sort out my sleeping pattern. Recently I have been really bad at just sleeping away half the day. I hate doing it, and it stops me from feeling productive, so I am going to start getting up at a reasonable hour and that will in turn make it easier for me to fall asleep at night.
• Eat three meals a day. I am terrible at eating breakfast, but hopefully the getting up at a reasonable hour will make this easier. Actually, I'm just pretty terrible at eating. I tend to just sort of forget to feed myself... 
• Set myself targets of things to achieve for the day. This will include productive things like helping mum clear out stuff from the house to make moving easier, more fun things, but also still productive, like writing songs or learning coding, and also treats to reward myself for a good day.
• Exercising. It has been such a long time since I've done any running, and I really want to get back into it. I need to strengthen up my hips some more I think, but I'm planning on making a training program for myself for the next year so that I will be well trained enough to participate in the Market Drayton 10K next May. There is no way I am missing it again next year! No doubt I will do some random gyming and swimming to keep Liberty company as well and to add some variety to my workouts.
• Wear more of my clothes. I apparently have loads of clothes, as I found out when Charlie tried to make me throw them all out during our sort out the other day. I wear like 3 outfits regularly, so I am going to start wearing some of my other things.

That's all I can think of at the moment. My hope is that in being happier with myself in general, it will make me less scared and more fighting ready to move onto the next step of grown up life!

8 down, 1 TO GO!! May update

The worst of it is over. Today's exam may have been horrendous in terms of being able to answer the questions, mentally and by the fact that I am entirely exhausted, but I only have one exam left then I am done.

I say the worst of it is over because I've just had a stint of 4 exams in 6 days, both times having an afternoon exam followed the next day by a morning exam. I now have a 9 day gap in which to revise for my favourite module, my easiest module, and an exam that is only two hours long, starting in the afternoon. What better exam to end my uni career on hey?

But before then, I am taking a well deserved break. I'm currently on the train to visit the boyfriend in Lampeter. We have a busy couple of days planned, but it will be nice to not have to think about revision for a little while. I am that confident, that I am even going to say right now that I have completed my May challenge of surviving. I am so looking forwards to going home and celebrating!

April and May Challenges

Right now I am sat in the Undergraduate workroom of the maths department, getting ready to do some revision. The boyfriend just dropped me off on campus on his way heading back home ready to go back to his Uni for singing society tonight. On Tuesday I have my first exam.

I think I am just about ready to have a panic attack.

I had a plan this Easter to go over 10 pages of notes per day so that I would have gone over all of the notes by the time my exams started, with a bit of time spare to go over questions and past papers. That didn't sound like much, but no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't find motivation, or I had a really bad headache that made me just want to sleep all the time. I had the added depression of finding out I can't attend the marathon next weekend, and also have found out I can't run in the 10k in my home town - both things I have been looking forwards to for a year. So my revision wasn't going well.

Since coming back to uni the past two weeks, I have managed to get through the notes to two of my modules, and gone over some of the questions for one of them as well, but I am really worried about these exams. I just want them to be over already, but that's not happening until May 28th, the day of my last exam.

So my challenges for this month and next are to survive these exams. Get through them as well as I can, then on the 28th of May, I will go home and just relax for the first time in ages. I will celebrate with my family and get ready for my birthday. I need things to look forwards to, and they are it. My little brother wants to do a shared birthday party with me, so I can start planning that with him and mum. I am just ready for the stress of these exams to be over. I really cannot wait for May 28th.

31 Happy Days #31

So I made it to the end of the month, sort of. I didn't post every day, but I managed to post something for every day. Some days it was really hard to think of something happy, but I did it. And now for my last happy thing for the month:

I managed to get a but motivated for revision again today. I didn't do a huge amount, but I did much more than I have been doing previously, and it wasn't too hard to get myself to do it. I feel like I might be able to do a bit more tomorrow.

We've been sorting our stuff out at home recently, and I now have a big box to put things in to keep for wherever I end up living after I graduate. It's starting to feel very real now.

I learned how to play cribbage. I've had a cribbage set for ages, and in the spirit of clearing out stuff, I decide to learn how to play it to decide whether or not to keep it. The boyfriend and I played a quick round, probably not completely right, but I enjoyed it. And I won! I think I might keep it. Maybe I'll put it in my new box.

Well that's it for this month's challenge. Now I have to start thinking of what to do next month.

March Challenge - 31 Happy Days #1

Well... February was an utter fail. Last weekend I had a complete meltdown and had to go home. I talked a lot with a lot of different people, and hopefully have some plans to get me back on track with battling this depression. I have some disgusting Rescue Remedy Spray, and a new to-do list complete with rewards for when I feel like I've achieved something. Keeping with this theme, Liberty challenged me this month to post every day on here with something that has made me happy that day. So here goes:

1st March:

I scored 485 out of 600 points in archery today - a new PB (by 5 points, but shhh)

January 2015

January is always the time people decide to change. A new year, a new me. It should be simple right? Wrong. Change is one of the hardest things to do, and it is something that I don't deal well with at all. I know there is a lot of change that is going to happen this year - I will be graduating, I will have to find a job, potentially somewhere new to live away from my family and my boyfriend. I don't know what is going to happen with that, and that terrifies me. However, I know that if I don't make some changes to my life now, it is going to be that much harder.

I suffer a lot from depression and it has really started to affect my life. I used to joke a lot with Liberty about us "catching" depression sometimes, where we would have all the feelings of depression, but only for a couple of days and then we'd feel better. In the last year though, I have been feeling more and more like I am only catching happiness sometimes. It has made it very hard to be motivated to work, to be happy with being here at University and has put a huge strain on my relationship with the boyfriend. My depression has been causing him difficulties with being away at Uni too, so we have had a very hard couple of months.

Over the Christmas holidays we talked a lot, and I talked to my family a lot. I discovered that a lot of my feelings are the same as what my mum gets, even down to not being able to hug or say "I love you" because you just feel nothing. Neither of us likes feeling like that, and I don't like how my depression is affecting me or the boyfriend, so I have decided to try and do something about it. I really don't like the idea of going to a doctor, getting medication or counselling. It really doesn't sit right with me, so I have to do something, I have to make the change.

Last year, instead of making New Year's Resolutions, my mum made 12 monthly changes throughout the year. This ranged from something little like using more of her lotions and potions, to the more difficult challenge of "just get on and do it". Liberty is following suit this year with her own monthly challenges, and that is what I am going to do as well. New Year's Resolutions are doomed to fail because so much happens in a year that you will forget what you said you wanted to do and who knows if what you want now is the same as what you will want in 6 months time? However, I fully believe that setting yourself targets and challenges is beneficial and good for you, so why not do it on a smaller scale.

My 12 monthly challenges are going to be tied in to helping me manage my depression. I want to make them realistic and also measurable so I can get to the end of the month and (hopefully) look back and be able to say "yes, I achieved that". This month, I am focusing on trying to keep myself busy and use my time productively, instead of wasting time feeling sorry for myself. I have a schedule that I am going to draw up each night with things I want to achieve the next day, work I want to get done and rewards for when I take a break to motivate myself. Keeping busy is going to help me to not feel so lost when the boyfriend leaves for his University in a couple of days. Hopefully my productivity will increase and allow me to study better to help me get back on track for a 2:1 at the end of my degree. Scheduling my days better will give me time to set aside for getting into some kind of fitness regime, which will also help to improve my health. Alongside my monthly challenge, I am taking part in Jantastic to get me back into running, and doing a 30 day challenge and some form of yoga everyday to strengthen my body and make me feel better about myself. A healthy body is a healthy mind after all.

The best thing about these monthly challenges is that I am not alone when I do them. Liberty has already been giving me tips for keeping busy and what I can set some of my challenges to, my mum always supports me and wants to give me all the help she can, and my boyfriend is right there beside me trying to change his life for the better, so we can be better together. I think between us we can make it through.