Sunday, 30 August 2015

A New Obsession

Anyone who knows me knows that I quite easily get obsessed about things. When I love something, I really LOVE something. I will listen to the same song on repeat when somthing about it clicks with me. I will watch the same film over and over, I will think about my favourite scene over and over in my head. I talk excitedly, rapidly and very high pitched about things. Things like Disney, Lego, Once Upon a Time, that one scene in We Bought A Zoo where Dylan does his 20 seconds of courage, Anne Hathaway... the list goes on.

My most recent obsession revolves around a podcast I listened to during my last year of Uni - Serial. It is a podcast about an old murder trial in Maryland from 1990, where they arrested a guy named Adnan Sayed for the murder of his ex-girlfriend, Hae Min Lee, on the basis of basically one witness whose testimony seemed to change every time he told the story. Adnan still insists that he is innocent - many people believe him, many people still do not. The podcast tells the story of the case and attempts to come up with a decision one way or another about whether or not he is innocent.

I really enjoyed listening to this podcast, right until the end where they completely copped out and made the decision that they didn't know if he was innocent or not. It was rather an unsatisfying end, but I still found the whole thing very interesting. This podcast became very popular, which meant that it another podcast, which I recently discovered, has followed on from Serial. This podcast is called Undisclosed. This podcast looks at Adnan's case from the perspective of an attorney. Instead of putting together a narrative, it just lays out the facts of the case that have been discovered. What I really like about this is that you start to see more where the holes in the State's case are, and how everything fits together (or how it doesn't fit quite a lot of the time). It is like a giant puzzle, and I love puzzles.

Undisclosed isn't just about telling the story of Adnan. It looks at the case as a whole, so you get a better picture of the events that happened around the time of the case. It also gives updates as to what is happening currently with trying to get a retrial.

It isn't just this case that I have been interested in. It may be slightly morbid, but I find unsolved mysteries and murders absolutely fascinating. Well, not even just unsolved ones. Just cases that have a weird twist, or required a lot of effort and digging to solve. Something that was a bit of a puzzle. Last year I watched the movie Devil's Knot with my sister. I was hooked all the way through, but she found it really boring. There was no action or anything, it just told the story of trying to solve the case of the murder of three young boys. Slightly different, but I also like watching crime shows like Bones and Criminal Minds. However, it is the things about real cases that just hold something more for me.

I'm finding it really hard to actually put into words what I find so intriguing about these things. It isn't exactly to with the people, but it kind of is (helpful, I know...) I think it's partly just the whole process of piecing together the events and actions of everyone involved to get the full picture of an event. Completing the puzzle of something that you could otherwise know nothing about. I don't know, but whatever it is, I have become obsessed.

Unfortunately, I have already listened through the backlog of both Serial and Undisclosed, so now I have a big empty hole to fill while I wait for the next episode to come out. If anyone has any suggestions for more podcasts, tv shows, movies, books or websites that might look at anything vaguely similar, I would appreciate it! I need something to spur on my new hobby.

Wednesday, 26 August 2015


Last week I started my new job in London. That's right, London. London is the last place I ever thought I would accept a job and move to. I am very definitely a small town country bumpkin. I like peace and quiet and small things, which London very definitely is not.

I have surprised myself by settling into the routine of working in London quite well. I've sorted out how I'm getting into work every morning. Not quite decided how I'm getting back each night yet, although judging from today's journey, I think I might try to stick out the Hammersmith and City Line. I was hesitant to before because it doesn't run as regularly and reliably as the Central line, but the Central line gets so crammed I end up waiting the same amount of time to get on a train anyway. Hammersmith is at least more comfortable to travel on. I have yet to work out how I will deal with tube strikes being on - this week's were thankfully cancelled. There is a direct bus route, but I'm not sure what time I should get it so that I'm not late and it won't be too busy. I'll have to just see how that goes as and when it happens I guess.

The thing I'm not settling so well into is the actual living in London. London is so expensive, so I'm currently in a flat share - i.e. living in a room. The flat is quite nice, my room is nice and big, and it is in an ok area, but I am really not enjoying it. Mum keeps telling me to treat it like I'm still at Uni, which kind of makes sense. I want to make her proud and show her I can just get on with it, but the problem is, this is exactly the bits of Uni that I hated. Living with strangers, who have different lifestyles to me, that I will never see enough of to truly be comfortable around. I need a lot of time with people before I can feel at ease, part of my anxieties I guess. It makes it very difficult for me to relax when I really need to be. I get scared to go in the kitchen in case someone sees me. I don't want to speak or sing because the walls are so thin I feel like everyone will hear everything I say. I get tense about the thought of having to go cook food or use the shower. I am really not coping well with it. Everyday I have come back from work and wished I was just at home. I don't know what to do about it.

A leaving present from my little sister to make me more excited about London

I really wish that I was more of a people person, but right now, all I can think about is how I am not built to share houses like this. I want to be in my own place, where I feel safe and comfortable, and can relax and enjoy myself. I'm not sure I will feel that here. Of course what I really want is to be able to finally live with the boyfriend, but we have at least another year before that can happen. I still think that there is something better than this arrangement out there for me somewhere. I'm just not sure how to find it.