I knew being back at Uni was going to be tough for me. I won't say I have trouble settling in as such. The people I live with are lovely, I have friends who are also lovely, and I enjoy going to my lectures. My biggest problem is that I get really homesick.
My family is probably the biggest part of my life, and I don't just mean the size of it! To sum up (maths pun alert!) what family is like for me, let me tell you a story.
Over holidays, I was trying to see what my younger sister, Addy, thought about Christmas. Now most little kids are really excited about presents, but when I asked Addy what she thought was the most important thing about Christmas, she said Christmas dinner. We then asked mum, who was also sat with us at the time, what she thought was the most important thing about Christmas. Mum said family. Addy then basically shouted at mum, saying "that's not the most important thing about Christmas! That's the most important thing EVERY day." For a 4 year old, she is pretty wise. But that is what family is like for me.
Don't get me wrong, my family is far from perfect. We have our ups and downs like everyone. In fact I've pretty much all but lost my relationship with one of my sisters. But I'm hopefully that we will get it back, and I look forward to the day we do.
I'm not sure why this year particularly, but I've also grown a lot closer to Apollo's family. So much so that I didn't even think twice about spending Christmas day away from my mum for the most part, which is something that I've never done before. I love having them as my second family, or rather an extension of my first family.
When I'm at Uni, I miss my family like crazy. I miss singing Wicked with my sister. I miss the balls of hysteria we become when I play Bubble Bobble with my mum. I miss Addy coming up to me, tapping me on the shoulder and then pretending it wasn't her. I miss my little brother riding into the room on an upside down ironing board horse. I miss my Step-dad making enchiladas for a family dinner. I miss having Apollo just there to enjoy these things with me.
But now that I've finished the exam I've been worrying and stressing about and revising for for the last few days, I think I'm ready to be able to enjoy surviving without them for a little while. I know that I'm never really without them. They are always there to support me. But I don't want to have to always depend on them for every thing.
That said, I still think, in the words of Laura Ingalls from the Little House on the Prairie...
Home is the nicest word there is.