New Year, Best Me

2015 has been an eventful year for me. I graduated from University with a 2:1 in Mathematics. I had to duck out of running the Market Drayton 10K, but I had the pleasure of witnessing my sister-out-law crossing the finish line and shared in her pure elation at her achievment. My parents moved out of our family home and to the other end of the country. I soon followed when I moved to London for a job a month after my graduation. I celebrated with my other sister-out-law when she announced that she was going to have a baby. Liberty's other half finally got down on one knee and asked my sister to marry him.

Of course it wasn't all happy. I suffered very badly with depression for a long time. Long distance and my depression put a huge strain on my relationship so it hit the lowest point it has ever been in the 6 years we've been together. Things only got worse when I moved and it turned out that my neighbour in my flat was actually crazy and my life felt like hell.

In my last post, I talked about how I finally decided to view my choice to leave London not as a failure, but as a win. My parents - especially my step-dad - worked incredibly hard to support me, and within a month and a half of making that decision, they have made it possible for me to now be living in my own house (well they own it, but I don't have to share it with anyone I don't want), in a much nicer place, with much nicer neighbours! I am so grateful to my parents for everything they have done for me: supporting me through difficult times, and helping me to now be in a place in my life where I once again feel hope and happiness about my future and the present.

I know that things won't be easy. I am now further away from Lampeter than ever, so my long distance relationship has gotten even longer. But it has also gotten so much stronger. With my emotions being more stable and happy, and a place to finally call our own that we can build together, I am pleased to say that I no longer have to use the phrase "the boyfriend" in my blog posts. Then again, I don't really like the word Fiancé... so for now, I am going to refer to my new Fiancé (blegh) as my Betrothed. Because I can. About time too!

As 2015 drew to its end, I have felt more comfortable and happy in myself than I remember for a long time and I want that to continue into the new year. So my goal for 2016 isn't for a "New Year, New Me". I just want to be the best me that I can be. To help me maintain that, I am going to set myself two monthly challenges - one based on physical health and one based on mental health. Keeping my mind healthy will help me keep my body healthy and vice versa, so I can take on all the new challenges that 2016 is sure to bring.

This month:

Complete 30 reps of my hip strengthening exercises every day: The main goal I am focusing on at the moment is to run the Market Drayton 10K in May and to hopefully do reasonably well in it. I haven't run properly in months because of knee pain caused by my weak hips, so the first thing to do to reach that goal is to strengthen my hips. A physio gave me this exercise to do everyday while I was at Uni last year. I did really well with it for a while, and even saw some improvement when doing the exercise, but as soon as I went back home for the Easter holidays I completely lost it. I want to get back in the habit again, so I am aiming to do the full 30 reps every day this month. To take the pressure off a little though, I am going to allow myself to call this a win as long as I average the correct number by the end of the month. I've set up a spreadsheet and everything to keep track of it all.

Write down one happy memory every day: This can be something big like completing a project at work, or something as small as enjoying dinner. The idea is to make the effort every day to think of at least one happy thing so that I know that not everything is bad. Writing them down means that I'll have something to look back and smile on too when I'm feeling blue. If I'm feeling too down and can't think of something good that day, I will just write down a good memory from another time to remind me that I have done good in my life.

I have a couple of big challenges this year as well. My mum has challenged me to complete the "50 things to do before you're 11 3/4" adventure scrapbook that she for some reason has. I know I've kind of missed the age deadline, but it's good to go back to being a kid from time to time. She's doing it with the kids as well, so it's an excuse for us to all go out together on random adventures.

My other challenges are to build a home with my Betrothed and to make a dent in planning our wedding! I am so excited to see what the new year brings, and hopefully being better at blogging all about it!

Happy New Year everybody.

Midweek Update

Here is what I've done so far this week:

1 - Write story cube story
2 - Write types of numbers post
3 - Write a post about work experience at nursery
4 - Paint the fence
5 - Work out how to use linkedin and start finding people to contact
6 - Work my way through at least the next chapter of the accountancy book
7 - Go to Festival Drayton and try to arrange some work experience
8 - Perform at open mic night at the Beer Festival
9 - Read at least one chapter of the Bedside Book of Algebra
10 - Go for a bike ride

I have painted the shed, which is a start on the fence (not sure whether the whole fence will get done this week or not, we are rather busy!) I have also started looking at chapter two of the accountancy book. I now know what double-entry bookkeeping means, and have started looking at how to record transactions. It sounds really boring, but I'm actually quite enjoying it. I know what I'm doing for my types of numbers post, and I have a slight idea for my story cube, but I haven't even thought about my work experience post. I realise that I should have done it earlier on in the week, but time just goes by so quickly. I haven't even had time to read! I have no idea when this bike ride will happen either... Maybe tomorrow afternoon, if I have time between shopping with Liberty and catching up on blog posts.

I did manage to go and talk to somebody at Festival Drayton though. I find it really hard to just go and talk to people, especially if I don't really know what I want to ask. But I went. Although they couldn't really help me with work experience particularly, I have said that they can call me if they desperately need someone to wash dishes or to usher for movies, which will throw me in with a load of new people and hopefully build my confidence a bit.

I also performed at the open mic night at the Beer Festival in a local pub that Ivy works at. Liberty and I decided to sing some duets together for some fun this summer, and we love to perform, so the open mic was a good opportunity to get back into singing a little bit. It was ridiculously hot, very crowded and the sound setup wasn't very good, but I had fun just singing with my sisters again (I did a song with Ivy too). Hopefully we will get more opportunities in the future.

Weekly Targets 23rd July - 29th July

So after the bad start this week, I managed to complete most of my targets. The only ones I missed were finishing the analysis notes, finishing the targets from last week that I didn't manage and the one about linkedin. I have actually joined, but I can't work out how to use it. Now that my stepdad is back from Brighton, I am going to ask him to have a look at it with me, so hopefully I will have more luck with that soon. I did go through some more of my notes, but it has been so warm that I've been finding it hard to concentrate on anything other than trying not to melt and just enjoying the sun. My chalkboards are nearly finished, they just need a couple more coats of paint I think. I would have trimmed the hedge at some point had my stepdad not beaten me to it...

Here are my targets for this week:

1 - Write story cube story
2 - Write types of numbers post
3 - Write a post about work experience at nursery
4 - Paint the fence
5 - Work out how to use linkedin and start finding people to contact
6 - Work my way through at least the next chapter of the accountancy book
7 - Go to Festival Drayton and try to arrange some work experience
8 - Perform at open mic night at the Beer Festival
9 - Read at least one chapter of the Bedside Book of Algebra
10 - Go for a bike ride

As I'm not really sure about how well I've managed time slippage, I am going to set that as my bonus target for the week.

Midweek Update

Here is what I've done so far:

1 - Write story cube story (this is a weekly thing, not the same story or cubes!)
2 - Write types of numbers post (also a weekly thing)
3 - Do my leg stretches every day
4 - Go bowling with the boyfriend
5 - Finish the targets I didn't manage last week
6 - Join linkedin and look for Warwick maths graduates to contact and get information from
7 - Finish the first week of analysis notes and start the second week
8 - Read the first chapter of the accountancy book I got from the Library
9 - Read a chapter of the Bedside Book of Algebra
10 - Try and manage my time slippage

That really doesn't look like much does it... I don't think I've been doing very well with my time slippage. I get distracted easily with everything else going on in my life: grandparents visiting, running, various other things. I did work a couple of days at the boyfriend's mother's nursery (more about that in a later blog post) so it wasn't a complete waste of time.

I have started a few things. I have nearly finished the first chapter of the accountancy book (kind of enjoying it so far), I have started writing the types of numbers post and I have been doing my leg stretches every day. Well, I might have missed one day, I can't remember if I did them in the morning or not, but Liberty and I have a new exercise regime which includes yoga and calf stretching, so I think I made up for the potential missed day.

The boyfriend and I had a really nice day when we went bowling. I absolutely suck at bowling, but we had fun and then had a game of pool (which I won!) and played in the arcade for a bit. The shooting game was ace, although it kind of made my arms ache after a while. My original plan was to make a picnic and go sit in Telford Town Park, but it was pouring with rain, so instead we went to Frankie and Benny's. The food was really good, and it was nice to do something a little bit different than we usually do.

Tomorrow I hope to get a few more things done from my list, hopefully getting back on track.

Weekly Targets 16th July - 22nd July

Of the ten targets I set myself last week, I completed six, I started two, one was changed, then changed back, and sort of done, and only one didn't get started because we didn't find a good moment for it. So I think that was pretty good.

In case you are wondering, I didn't trim the hedge, and the one that got changed was to send out the cover letter to at least 2 local companies. This got changed around because I was meant to be going to Portugal, so there wasn't any point in doing it, but now Portugal isn't happening, so it is relevant again. I went to the Job Centre today, and the lady there gave me some suggestions of who would possibly give me work experience, so I have emailed those (which is why the target was sort of completed).

The two I started were to go through my notes and to finish my chalkboards, which I can hopefully do this week. So my new targets are:

1 - Write story cube story (this is a weekly thing, not the same story or cubes!)
2 - Write types of numbers post (also a weekly thing)
3 - Do my leg stretches every day
4 - Go bowling with the boyfriend
5 - Finish the targets I didn't manage last week
6 - Join linkedin and look for Warwick maths graduates to contact and get information from
7 - Finish the first week of analysis notes and start the second week
8 - Read the first chapter of the accountancy book I got from the Library
9 - Read a chapter of the Bedside Book of Algebra
10 - Try and manage my time slippage

Weekly Targets 10th July - 15th July

I am going to try an experiment. I really need to stay motivated this summer to be productive and make the most of the time I have over the holidays. The first thing I'm going to try is to publish a weekly list of targets every Wednesday on my blog, and to give a midweek update on my progress at the weekend. There will be different types of targets, designed to help me achieve the different challenges I want to face. Hopefully breaking it down like this, and having it out there on the internet will make me feel more accountable and more likely to stay motivated and productive. Also, it could help me when I go back to Uni to work the best that I can and get a good grade in my final year!

So, here are my targets for this week:

1 - Write story cube story (for Writer's club)
2 - Write up 25 things I like about me post
3 - Write types of numbers post
4 - Read as much of the accountancy book as I can (especially chapter 6)
5 - Finish writing the generic cover letter
6 - Send out the cover letter to at least 2 local companies
7 - Go through the first week of Analysis notes
8 - Run the Dearnford relays
9 - Finish making my chalkboards
10 - Trim the hedge

I know I've already done one of those things, but I'm a little bit late publishing the list! Will update at the weekend :)

25 Things I Like About Me

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about what I want to do in the future. Having just found out that I have to stay on the 3 year course, rather than the 4 year course at my Uni has really made me realise that I don't have all that long left before I have to go out into the big wide world of work. It also made me realise that I have absolutely no idea what I want to do, what I might be good at, nor how to go about finding out.

I know that I need to get more work experience, and while talking to my mum about it, it quickly became apparent that I have pretty much zero confidence in myself or when it comes to talking to people. I couldn't even ask my sister's boyfriend (who I have known for like, 10 years) if he knows if the police would take on someone for work experience because I didn't know exactly what I had to ask, nor how to go about starting that conversation. Every time there was a lull, mum would say "you could ask him now! I'm worried that you can't ask him" and stuff like that. But I just physically couldn't, and I don't know why.

Liberty is going through a similar thing as she is part way through changing jobs (fingers crossed she gets the one she wants!), so she is very keen on helping me out. My family got together and have started compiling a list of challenges for me to complete over the summer to help build my confidence so that I might be less pathetic when it comes to just talking to people, and hopefully along the way maybe get some ideas about what I want to do.

Yesterday, I completed one of the items on the list, which was, as the title of this post suggests, to write a list of 25 things I like about myself. I would like to share that here.

1) My eyes
2) My hair
3) I love my family
4) They love me
5) I love to sing
6) I started running
7) I have nearly overcome my weird eating problem
8) I'm smart
9) My smile
10) I play piano
11) I play drums
12) I play guitar
13) My sense of humour
14) I'm good at logic puzzles
15) I got a 2:1 in my first year of Uni
16) I got 74% for my second year essay
17) I ran all the way round 10k in 1 hour 10 minutes and 4 seconds
18) I have 31:01 PB on the Telford parkrun
19) I won performance of the year in my first year of Glee for singing I Knew You Were Trouble by Taylor Swift on elections night
20) I'm interested in magic - especially card tricks
21) I own at monopoly
22) I'm good at maths
23) I got a C in Art GCSE, even though I suck at Art
24) I try writing songs that aren't just cheesy lyrics
25) After 5 years, I still find more ways to be in love with my boyfriend

So there you have it, 25 things I like about me. Sorry about the mega cheese factor in the last one, he was complaining I hadn't written anything about him yet, so I thought I'd make it a good one!